Chicken Scratch
by rosettique
Summary: There was only one person to turn to when Erwin's handwriting fails the whole of the Scouting Legion. Slight Eruri.


**Chicken Scratch**

* * *

When one has been in a position of power for a considerable amount of time, there are things – sort of like basic facts – that people would come to know and expect.

For instance, Squad Leader Hanji Zoe was raucous and undeniably the most cheery authority in the Legion and loved titans with an undying passion. Of course, the actual members of the Legion knew just how much of her happiness was a façade and just how downright scary she could be when she wanted to be, but the public was still blissfully unaware of that side of Hanji.

Lance Corporal Levi, on the other hand, was Humanity's Strongest Soldier and killed titans with a vigor matching Hanji's love for them. Not much else was known about him, except that he was short and came up to only the other members' chests when they sat on horseback. Again, unbeknownst to the public, but strongly understood by the Legion – especially the members of his squad who had to share living spaces with him – he was very meticulous about his cleanliness.

And by very, he meant, _Very_.

Commander Erwin Smith was gallant, intelligent and if the women of the Wall Sina had any say in it, perfect husband material. At least, that was how they interpreted the air of coolness he radiated. However, the members of the Legion had spent too much time with Erwin to fall for his blonde charms, so for them there was really only one fact about the Commander that stood out among others: he had exceptionally bad handwriting.

As bad as Hanji's titan-complex and Levi's cleaning-complex.

Maybe even worse.

Fortunately for the Scouting Legion and for Erwin, there was one man in their entire military branch who could read his handwriting (secretly codenamed chicken scratch or elephant scratch because Eren thought the Commander resembled an elephant more than he did a chicken).

Unfortunately for Levi, there was only one man in the entirety of the Scouting Legion who could read Erwin's fucking chicken scratch.

And that was how he always ended up with double the stacks of paper than he deserved piled up on his desk – because every single document from the Commander had to be filtered through the Corporal, who would then jot down a few notes on what the messy scribbles had been about.

One would think that as Humanity's Strongest Soldiers, he would have more slack with the stupid paperwork.

Obviously, that wasn't the case.

* * *

Hanji eyed the stash of paper on Levi's desk dubiously. They seemed to be as tall as the three Walls themselves. She wondered how Levi managed to get through all of them in a day. She wondered what Levi had done to deserve such misery.

Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration – it wasn't _that _tall - but it was definitely tall enough to hide the Corporal behind them.

She wisely decided to cough down the guffaw threatening to escape her.

Levi strained his neck to see who had entered his room when he heard the noise, but sighed and looked back down at his work when he realized it was Hanji.

"What?" He growled, his patience stretched even thinner than usual what with the incredulous amount of work he had to finish.

Hanji, the motherfucker, grinned, "Someone's in a good mood!"

"Spit out what you need before I kick you out of my room."

Still grinning, she produced a neatly clipped stack of paper and handed it to Levi, "Could you help me read these? I just got them back from Erwin."

There was the sound of something snapping – probably his pen, Hanji mused – before Levi stood up and randomly grabbed a pile of paper, the noise produced by the drag of his chair across the wooden tiles notably unpleasant, and stormed out of his office.

"I'll leave these on your desk!" Hanji called out to Levi's disappearing figure.

* * *

Erwin's door burst open unceremoniously, the _bang_ almost like a welcoming fanfare for Levi's entrance.

The blonde raised an eyebrow, "Can I help you?"

"Yes, you fucking can," he snarled before dumping the pile of paperwork he was holding on Erwin's desk. "And while you're at it, help the rest of the Legion too."

"I don't understand?"

"Your _handwriting_, shithead. _Handwriting_."

"I don't see the problem?"

And then Levi screamed, yes, screamed – the very source of the wailing banshee story that would live on through the generations, "WELL, I FUCKING DO. DO YOU REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO TRANSLATE EVERY SINGLE SHIT YOU WRITE FOR EVERY FUCKING PERSON IN THE LEGION WHO'S UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT? THAT MEANS I HAVE TO DO DOUBLE THE WORK. EVERYDAY. IN ADDITION TO TRAINING. BECAUSE UNLIKE YOURSELF, I ACTUALLY HAVE TITANS TO KILL."

Of course, the only way Erwin could respond to Levi's outburst was silence, for a very long time, and then, "Oh."

Levi was vibrating with the effort of keeping himself in check and _not_ driving a fist into Erwin's face for the satisfaction of hearing a crunch underneath his fingers.

"Yes, fucking _oh_."

* * *

In the end, they reached a compromise. Levi would write while Erwin dictates but he would be free of his own paperwork. In other words, although Levi would write double (not like he hadn't already), Erwin would have to think through double the paperwork.

Well, Levi was intelligent but physical labor was still his strongest suit.

* * *

One day, Erwin was reading something to Levi when he suddenly froze mid-sentence, his eyes widening and his jaw hanging limply open and for a second Levi thought he was enlightened with a new solution to rid humanity of the titans.

Instead, all he received was, "Why are you the only one who can read my handwriting?"

Levi was about to reply, _I don't fucking know_ when Hanji, who happened to be in the room at the time, helpfully suggested, "Maybe it's fate," causing two heads to turn to her – one with amusement lighting his features, the other with a homicidal countenance.

She grinned her special grin, the one she saved for the occasions she managed to rile Levi up, "Maybe it was meant to be."

She had to get her glasses replaced the next day.

* * *

On another day, Eren happened to stop by the Commander's office because Hanji had sent him to deliver a packet of something with a weird stench. He didn't want to find out what it was. Ever.

"Come in," Erwin said, after the boy had knocked on the door.

Eren entered with a polite opening of the door, much unlike Levi's fabulously grand entrances, and immediately cringed when he saw Levi's desk – which was now situated right beside Erwin's – littered with paper.

Of course, he had heard about the Commander and Corporal's arrangement - who hadn't? – and the glare Levi had shot his way was almost enough to send him running out of the room after giving Erwin the package, but in the end, his sympathy (more like brashness) got the better of him and he stammered out a, "Do you- uh- do you need-" _help, Sir?_

"No," Levi growled before Eren had even finished his sentence, causing the boy to yelp and hastily salute Erwin and Levi before heading straight for the door.

Moments after Eren had left and was surely out of earshot, Erwin let out a chuckle, "I thought you hated this job."

"I do."

"So why didn't you accept his help?"

Levi didn't answer because goddamn it, Erwin. Maybe it was true that Levi enjoyed spending time with Erwin more than he cared to admit but could you please stop rubbing it in his fucking pride?

* * *

**Author's Note**

* * *

I've been busy with exams lately so I haven't had much time to indulge the fangirl in me in fangirling activities :( This is a warm-up for me to start actively fangirling again ehehe.


End file.
